A Single Man Tear
by Micaiah
Summary: Tag to the 200th episode, Fan Fiction, in which the boys talk about their feelings because we know they only really do that in fan fiction.


**Tag to Fan Fiction.**

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><p>Dean shut off the Impala and glanced over at his sleeping brother. Sam had conked out somewhere in Nebraska and Dean had spent the last hours of the drive home reflecting on the events of the past few days. It was always strange for him to think about how much other people knew of their lives even though most never realized it was all true. It was also more than a little flattering how people seemed so inspired by the Winchesters. Dean sighed. He had to stop thinking about it. It also made his head hurt. Too much meta.<p>

"Hey, Sammy, wake up." Dean nudged his brother and Sam opened one eye.

"We home?" Sam yawned loudly.

"Yep." Dean reached for the prop amulet and Sam sat straight up, suddenly wide awake.

"What are you doing?" The panic on Sam's face was evident.

"Calm down. I'm just going to hang it in my room. Did you want it?"

"No….I just….."

"What?"

"Never mind….it's nothing."

The look on Sam's face clearly showed Dean otherwise, not to mention the fear in his brother's voice.

"It doesn't sound like nothing."

"I just thought that….maybe you were going to toss it out."

Dean winced at Sam's words. The wound was still raw after all these years.

"Why would I do that?"

Sam raised a questioning eyebrow at him as if to say, "Really, bro?"

"Okay, I know! I know what I did back then but…..I was messed up, man. My head was in a really bad place."

"And I'd let you down. I don't blame you for doing it. It just….." Sam studied his hands, avoiding Dean's gaze.

"…..hurt…..I know. I'm sorry, Sammy. If I had that year to do over, I'd do so many things differently and that would be at the top of the list. "

Sam finally looked at Dean and smiled. "Come on, I've got something to show you."

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><p>Dean plopped into a chair as Sam began to rummage through the boxes stacked in his room. After a few minutes he realized he'd unconsciously been humming one of the songs from the high school musical, while tapping his toes.<p>

"Dammit, I can't get that song out of my head!"

Sam smirked. "A Single Man Tear?"

"No, asshat, the other one. I'm pretty sure a song about our lives shouldn't be so damn catchy."

Sam nodded in agreement as he finally pulled out a small wooden box. At first, Dean thought it was a curse box like the ones in their dad's storage locker, but then he realized Sam had just carved a rudimentary devil's trap on the lid. He wondered what was so important that Sam didn't want demons getting their hands on it.

Sam sat on the edge of the bed, holding the box in his lap as he opened it. Dean leaned over, peered inside and his breath caught in his throat.

"Is that…..?"

Sam lifted a small object from the box and offered it to him. "Yeah, Dean, it is."

Dean's hands were trembling as he took his long lost amulet from his brother.

"How is this possible?"

Sam grinned. "Did you really think I was going to leave it in that trashcan?"

Dean's eyes filled with tears and he glanced down at the amulet to try and hide them. The cord was missing and the small face looked as though it had taken a beating but he figured they'd all taken a beating the past few years. Somehow the new look of the amulet seemed appropriate.

"Why now, Sammy?" asked Dean softly.

"I thought you'd find it after I jumped into the pit. I left it with my things, hoping you'd realize I never meant to disappoint you."

"I never went through your things, Sammy. I just couldn't. I kept them locked up with the Impala and when you came back, I handed it all back over to you. I'd never looked at any of it."

Sam nodded. "And of course, then, I didn't have a soul. It stayed in the bottom of my bag, which is probably why it looks so rough. I wasn't exactly the sentimental type that year."

Dean laughed at that. "I remember. But you still kept it."

"I knew that it had meant something, even if it didn't at that time." Sam gave Dean a sideways glance. "It still means something to me, Dean."

Dean closed his hand tightly around the amulet. "Me too, Sammy. Me too."

"I would have given it to you long before now but I just….I disappointed you so many times, Dean, and I was afraid. I wasn't sure you wanted it back."

"But you don't feel that way anymore?"

Sam shook his head.

"What changed?" asked Dean.

Sam took a deep breath. "You died, Dean. And with your last breath you told me you were proud of us. That's when I realized that no matter what had happened between us, we were still brothers."

"We'll always be brothers, Sammy. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"But I said horrible things to you…..things I wish with all my heart I could take back but I can't." Dean could hear the sorrow in his brother's voice.

"You say that as if I've never done the same thing to you." Dean gave a heavy sigh. "We haven't been in a good place for a long while, have we, Sammy?"

"No, but….we're still here." Sam gave his brother a half-hearted smile.

Dean opened his hand so he could see the amulet lying there. "I told Marie I didn't need a symbol to remind me how I feel about you but I'm not the one who needed, am I?"

Sam's eyes were wet with tears. "When the amulet hit the bottom of that trashcan, I felt as if my life was over. It was like you'd given up on me and if I didn't have the one person who had always believed in me…what did I have?"

"Is that why you came up with that crazy plan to say yes?"

"I wanted to make you proud, Dean. For once in my life, I didn't want to let you down."

"Sammy, I'm sorry." Dean's heart ached at the thought of his brother jumping into that pit, thinking he had nothing left to live for…..thinking that Dean had not only tossed away the amulet but everything that had ever been between them. "I never meant….."

"I know, Dean. I know that now."

"I'm a horrible brother."

Sam gave a chuckle. "You really should have listened to the words of that song."

Dean gave him a confused look. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"A Single Man Tear….didn't you listen to what fake me was singing?"

"Sammy, I'm far from being a perfect brother."

"Oh, so you did listen!"

"Shut up."

Sam grinned for a moment and then his face sobered. "Seriously, Dean, neither of us are perfect but you are the best brother anyone could ever hope for. I just wish you could see that."

Dean swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "Right back at ya, bro." He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out the prop amulet. "Here, Sammy, I think you should have this one."

Sam reached for the amulet as the tears in his eyes finally began to spill down his cheeks. "Thanks, Dean."

Dean cleared his throat, wiping away a tear of his own. "Okay, is this chick flick moment just about over because I've talked about my feelings more in the last five minutes than I have in the last five years. Is this what happens when you hang out with high school girls?"

Sam swiped at his face and laughed. "How would I know?"

Dean gave him an incredulous look. "Come on, Sammy, you're pretty girly."

"And you're a jerk."

Dean smiled. Sam had taken the bait.

"Bitch."

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><p><strong>I loved the 200th episode so much and I really hope the Samulet 2.0 is still hanging in the Impala next week but I have a feeling it won't be so this is my take on what happens to it. :) Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome!<strong>


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